You are stuck in a dead-end relationship and you really want out. You do not want to hurt this person’s feelings, because regardless of how bad things are, you care. How do you go about telling her that you would rather not be friends anymore? Should you just do a disappearing act and hope he will get the point? Is it a good idea to just withdraw until you drift apart?
Just like breaking up with a lover, ending a relationship with a friend is not an easy thing to do. In fact, it is so complicated that most people prefer to continue being involved with somebody they cannot stand simply to avoid the messiness of telling them good-bye. I’ve heard of people pretending not to be home to keep from spending time with a person they didn’t like. Sometimes, though, separation is not necessary. A lot of problems can be solved with an honest conversation.
Here is what I suggest:
1. Have a sincere talk with your friend. Suddenly falling out of the picture is not a good idea, because your friend might never know what he did wrong and will not be able to learn from the experience. And that would not be fair.
2. During your heart to heart conversation, observe this person. Is she paying attention or is she just waiting for you to shut up so she can answer back? Is he denying everything you say and twisting around your words to make you feel guilty? Or is she open-mindedly trying to work things out with you? If your friend’s reaction is one of complete denial, then I guess it is clear indication that you need to move on.
3. After your talk, allow yourself some time and space to assimilate what happened. If there is hope, figure out what steps need to be taken to keep the friendship on the right track. Don’t allow your friend to manipulate you into staying together because it will only produce more resentment on your part, and a relationship founded on pity is hardly ever a good idea.
4. If you still feel that you need to end it, be nice. Remember that what goes around comes around. After you have had the opportunity to think things through, tell your friend that you would prefer not to spend time with him anymore. Assure him that you will always be there for him, but that for now it is best to go your separate ways. Say this as directly as possible. Do not beat around the bush as that would only lead to confusion. And by all means void accusing, offensive remarks.
But what happens if you are on the receiving end of the break-up? What if you are the friend that everybody is trying to ditch? Take the time to seriously and honestly evaluate your attitude. Maybe you need to work on some unattractive aspect of your personality or maybe you just have the bad habit of surrounding yourself with people that do not really appreciate you.
Dinorah Blackman's books may be previewed and purchased at www.lulu.com/blackman
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label friendship. Show all posts
Tuesday
Women's Friendships
Results of a study conducted in 2002 at UCLA suggest friendships between women are special. "They shape who we are and who we are yet to be. They soothe our tumultuous inner world, fill the emotional gaps in our marriage, and help us remember who we really are. By the way, they may do even more."
The study went on to reveal that women's friendships can cause hormonal and chemical changes in the body and brain. That's not news to the majority of us. For example, it's a fairly accepted fact that female roommates often get on the same menstrual cycle. However, the study reiterated what most women already know – female companionship is a vitally important aspect in women's lives.
Numerous women admit that they like having women friends. However, all women should be careful to try not to gossip within and about their friendship circles. That is often more easier said that done. Women are wired much differently than men, and enjoy the gift of gab. Gossip can often be a problem in women friendships. It is not uncommon for women tear other's marriages apart that way.
While it is important to have someone to talk too, too many married women gripe about their husband because they need to vent. Wives should keep intimate details of their marriage sacred. Many times when they are complaining about their husbands, the problem is really that the women are not happy with themselves.
Some women even go as far as to prioritize their girlfriends above their spouse. Usually the woman isn't even aware that she will spend more hours on the phone or in person with her female friend than she does with her husband. Perhaps if more time was spent with hubby, less time could be spent griping to the friend.
Not withstanding, women share a unique bond. Some may say that opposites attract when it comes to a spouse, but that is not generally the case with women friendships. Like minded women like to hang out together. Would you rather go shopping with a girlfriend who wants to be at the mall with you, or with your spouse who looks for the nearest chair (or exit), regularly looks at his watch and constantly wants to know if you're done yet?
Whether married or unmarried, women friendships play a vital role in a woman's life. Treat the friendship with care. Do not betray your friend, at any cost. If you are vigilant to ensure it is a give and take relationship, you can plan on having a friend for life.
Sarah Eiden is employed full time by her family (does the laundry ever end?) and the web editor of www.bake-sale-recipes.com
The study went on to reveal that women's friendships can cause hormonal and chemical changes in the body and brain. That's not news to the majority of us. For example, it's a fairly accepted fact that female roommates often get on the same menstrual cycle. However, the study reiterated what most women already know – female companionship is a vitally important aspect in women's lives.
Numerous women admit that they like having women friends. However, all women should be careful to try not to gossip within and about their friendship circles. That is often more easier said that done. Women are wired much differently than men, and enjoy the gift of gab. Gossip can often be a problem in women friendships. It is not uncommon for women tear other's marriages apart that way.
While it is important to have someone to talk too, too many married women gripe about their husband because they need to vent. Wives should keep intimate details of their marriage sacred. Many times when they are complaining about their husbands, the problem is really that the women are not happy with themselves.
Some women even go as far as to prioritize their girlfriends above their spouse. Usually the woman isn't even aware that she will spend more hours on the phone or in person with her female friend than she does with her husband. Perhaps if more time was spent with hubby, less time could be spent griping to the friend.
Not withstanding, women share a unique bond. Some may say that opposites attract when it comes to a spouse, but that is not generally the case with women friendships. Like minded women like to hang out together. Would you rather go shopping with a girlfriend who wants to be at the mall with you, or with your spouse who looks for the nearest chair (or exit), regularly looks at his watch and constantly wants to know if you're done yet?
Whether married or unmarried, women friendships play a vital role in a woman's life. Treat the friendship with care. Do not betray your friend, at any cost. If you are vigilant to ensure it is a give and take relationship, you can plan on having a friend for life.
Sarah Eiden is employed full time by her family (does the laundry ever end?) and the web editor of www.bake-sale-recipes.com
Monday
Do You Need to Have More Friends?
A few weeks I read in the newspaper that the average American person has only two close friends or relatives they can confide in. And in most cases, the persons they confided in were usually members of their immediate family.
When I read this I was shocked, because I didn’t think that having only two people to confide in was enough. And it turns out that just two decades ago, the average American person had at least three people they could confide in. So, it seems the number of close friends the average American has is going down.
Recently, I experienced a big crisis in my life when one of my close family members became very sick. I could not have gotten through this crisis without the emotional and practical support of a lot of people.
If I only had one or two other people I could count on, I would not have survived this crisis with my sanity in one piece. I needed a lot of comfort and reassurance, and if I only had one or two people, that would not have been enough.
It's not just Americans that are getting lonelier.
Many of the same factors are also affecting people in other parts of the world as well. People today are lonelier than ever. Why is this happening?
All over the world, more and more people have to move to big cities to try to find work. Often they have to leave behind the close-knit communities where their families lived for generations.
Once they are in big cities, they find that cities can be very exciting places to live, but cities are also filled with lots of lonely people crammed close together. Too often, the people crammed into these cities are not connecting with each other. They're too busy, and they don't have time to get to know a lot of strangers to find out who they like and who they don't like.
Many people today all over the world are having to work longer hours just to pay the bills and stay alive. Lots of times they spend hours commuting, and when they come home they are too tired to do much more than eat supper and watch television.
The sort of free time our grandparents had to visit with each other on the front porch and relax has often disappeared. In many places, the sense of community has disappeared because too many buildings have been knocked down and replaced by impersonal high rises, and too many long-time residents have moved away to be replaced by strangers.
Even our technology that is supposed to help us connect with each other can also keep us apart. Television can show us what is happening to people around the globe, but when we keep our eyes glued to the television set, we end up not knowing the people who live down the street.
If we watch too much television, or spend too much time playing video games, we might end up not really knowing the people who live in our own household!
So, if you’re one of those people who only has one or two close friends, this is a reminder that when you are in a time of crisis, you might wish you had more. The time to start making those extra friends is now.
Instead of complaining about the fact that society has become too busy and too impersonal, we can each take steps to ensure that we slow down and examine whether we are getting the human contact we want.
And if we are not getting enough human contact, we must each make the individual commitment to try to change things for the better in our own life, and for those around us. We must give before we can receive.
Reach out, talk to more people, show that you care about them, and thank them when they care about you.
Article by:
This article was written by friendship expert Royane Real. Would you like to have more friends in your life? Get her new book “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Download it today at www.royanereal.com
When I read this I was shocked, because I didn’t think that having only two people to confide in was enough. And it turns out that just two decades ago, the average American person had at least three people they could confide in. So, it seems the number of close friends the average American has is going down.
Recently, I experienced a big crisis in my life when one of my close family members became very sick. I could not have gotten through this crisis without the emotional and practical support of a lot of people.
If I only had one or two other people I could count on, I would not have survived this crisis with my sanity in one piece. I needed a lot of comfort and reassurance, and if I only had one or two people, that would not have been enough.
It's not just Americans that are getting lonelier.
Many of the same factors are also affecting people in other parts of the world as well. People today are lonelier than ever. Why is this happening?
All over the world, more and more people have to move to big cities to try to find work. Often they have to leave behind the close-knit communities where their families lived for generations.
Once they are in big cities, they find that cities can be very exciting places to live, but cities are also filled with lots of lonely people crammed close together. Too often, the people crammed into these cities are not connecting with each other. They're too busy, and they don't have time to get to know a lot of strangers to find out who they like and who they don't like.
Many people today all over the world are having to work longer hours just to pay the bills and stay alive. Lots of times they spend hours commuting, and when they come home they are too tired to do much more than eat supper and watch television.
The sort of free time our grandparents had to visit with each other on the front porch and relax has often disappeared. In many places, the sense of community has disappeared because too many buildings have been knocked down and replaced by impersonal high rises, and too many long-time residents have moved away to be replaced by strangers.
Even our technology that is supposed to help us connect with each other can also keep us apart. Television can show us what is happening to people around the globe, but when we keep our eyes glued to the television set, we end up not knowing the people who live down the street.
If we watch too much television, or spend too much time playing video games, we might end up not really knowing the people who live in our own household!
So, if you’re one of those people who only has one or two close friends, this is a reminder that when you are in a time of crisis, you might wish you had more. The time to start making those extra friends is now.
Instead of complaining about the fact that society has become too busy and too impersonal, we can each take steps to ensure that we slow down and examine whether we are getting the human contact we want.
And if we are not getting enough human contact, we must each make the individual commitment to try to change things for the better in our own life, and for those around us. We must give before we can receive.
Reach out, talk to more people, show that you care about them, and thank them when they care about you.
Article by:
This article was written by friendship expert Royane Real. Would you like to have more friends in your life? Get her new book “How You Can Have All the Friends You Want – Your Complete Guide to Finding Friends, Making Friends, and Keeping Friends” Download it today at www.royanereal.com
Friday
Her Cries for help are Real!!
Throughout my dealings with women from all over the world, I have met so many that are in a prison of pain and frustration. Through my website, they search desperately for a way out of this prison. They want so desperately to be heard.
Her Cries for help are genuine.She is not inventing her worries, nor is she so bored with her life that she is imagining things and creating her own miseries.
Her Cries for help are misinterpreted as nonsensical emotions. They are even viewed as insecurities. Some even become very defensive towards, "Her Cries for Help", and take it as a personal attack of mistrust.
Her Cries for Help, are not without reason. How can anyone actually believe that a person would deliberately cause so much upheaval in a love relationship over and over again? Who has the issues there? I have to wonder sometimes, exactly who is being deliberate?
These women are in constant conflict with uncontrollable emotions. They not only have to try to disconnect from their own person within, but they have to try to interpret them to an outsider and can only hope that person can hear, "Her Cries for Help", through her words.
These women are in need of an understanding that it is not them. This ugly reaction is a serious attempt to reach out to you for help. When something occurs time and time again, do you not start to wonder if maybe there is something more to her reaction than just what's on the surface? Surely a person that claims to love, cherish, and endure all negative and positive would know that the love of their life is in some kind of turmoil that she cannot escape. So then why do you assume everything from PMS, to mistrust? Is it not so obvious that she is not willingly hurting your relationship? Is it not obvious that she is in a hold of some kind that is controlling her? Can you not see how much, seeing you in confusion is tearing her apart piece by piece? Do you not think that she knows her reactions are causing a wall separating your ability to reach out to her?
Pretend for one moment that you are gagged and hand tied and someone else is speaking and acting for you. You can see them and you can hear what they are saying, but cannot do anything about it. You can see your loved one suffering from the intruders acts. Your guts are wrenching because you are in fact unable to stop it. This is maybe a little bit of what she feels like when her emotions entrap and imprison her and cause her to react in ways that boggle your mind.
Her love for you was in fact the trigger. Her love for you helped to lower her defenses and allowed this monster of negative emotions to creep in. Now she battles with it and fears what she cannot control. Her mind works over-time building defense walls to keep out this intruder that is so strong-willed and controlling. Her Cries for Help continue; for that is her only way of escaping this torment that in fact both of you are tangled up in. She searches for ways to rid herself of this horrible trap that she has somehow fallen into. She will never stop trying as long as she knows you will be there and that you know in your heart that it is not her deliberately sabotaging your love relationship. Your love and understanding is her strength. It is the ultimate weapon to fight and win this battle of imprisonment.
***************************
"Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it"
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
***************************
"I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life - whoever you are, whatever our differences."
- John Denver
Article by:
Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website- www.womensselfesteem.com Forum- womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
Her Cries for help are genuine.She is not inventing her worries, nor is she so bored with her life that she is imagining things and creating her own miseries.
Her Cries for help are misinterpreted as nonsensical emotions. They are even viewed as insecurities. Some even become very defensive towards, "Her Cries for Help", and take it as a personal attack of mistrust.
Her Cries for Help, are not without reason. How can anyone actually believe that a person would deliberately cause so much upheaval in a love relationship over and over again? Who has the issues there? I have to wonder sometimes, exactly who is being deliberate?
These women are in constant conflict with uncontrollable emotions. They not only have to try to disconnect from their own person within, but they have to try to interpret them to an outsider and can only hope that person can hear, "Her Cries for Help", through her words.
These women are in need of an understanding that it is not them. This ugly reaction is a serious attempt to reach out to you for help. When something occurs time and time again, do you not start to wonder if maybe there is something more to her reaction than just what's on the surface? Surely a person that claims to love, cherish, and endure all negative and positive would know that the love of their life is in some kind of turmoil that she cannot escape. So then why do you assume everything from PMS, to mistrust? Is it not so obvious that she is not willingly hurting your relationship? Is it not obvious that she is in a hold of some kind that is controlling her? Can you not see how much, seeing you in confusion is tearing her apart piece by piece? Do you not think that she knows her reactions are causing a wall separating your ability to reach out to her?
Pretend for one moment that you are gagged and hand tied and someone else is speaking and acting for you. You can see them and you can hear what they are saying, but cannot do anything about it. You can see your loved one suffering from the intruders acts. Your guts are wrenching because you are in fact unable to stop it. This is maybe a little bit of what she feels like when her emotions entrap and imprison her and cause her to react in ways that boggle your mind.
Her love for you was in fact the trigger. Her love for you helped to lower her defenses and allowed this monster of negative emotions to creep in. Now she battles with it and fears what she cannot control. Her mind works over-time building defense walls to keep out this intruder that is so strong-willed and controlling. Her Cries for Help continue; for that is her only way of escaping this torment that in fact both of you are tangled up in. She searches for ways to rid herself of this horrible trap that she has somehow fallen into. She will never stop trying as long as she knows you will be there and that you know in your heart that it is not her deliberately sabotaging your love relationship. Your love and understanding is her strength. It is the ultimate weapon to fight and win this battle of imprisonment.
***************************
"Bitterness imprisons life; love releases it"
- Harry Emerson Fosdick
***************************
"I believe that we are here for each other, not against each other. Everything comes from an understanding that you are a gift in my life - whoever you are, whatever our differences."
- John Denver
Article by:
Dorothy Lafrinere Owner/Operator Website- www.womensselfesteem.com Forum- womenselfesteem.proboards29.com
Thursday
The Benefits of Knitting Circles
I was reading Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and was struck by something very powerful. He said that our growing fear and insecurity about work, finances, the future, and the vulnerability that comes with that fear is really paralyzing our society. Our response to fear is to focus inward - to focus on our own performance and our own concerns with the hope that we will be ok. That was a real scary thought for me, as I see more and more of that in myself and others. Can you imagine what happens to society if we all become hermits?
It is essential to depend on others to succeed to the fullest. It is only with the assistance of others that we can become the whole person that we could be. It is through others that we can develop all aspects of our personality. Our dealings with other people shape our personality and develop our interpersonal skills. No one ever achieved anything great by themselves, and if we continue to hide behind the "I'll take care of just me" facade, we'll never achieve anything great either.
So what does that have to do with knitting circles? Knitting circles have for centuries brought women together to share their experiences, to ask advice, and to encourage one another. It’s a fun environment and a learning environment all at the same time. It provides a place where women can go to find community. Most importantly, it is a place where that community does not stand in judgment.
This kind of community is a large part of what is missing in our society today. By "nesting" and staying home, we have abandoned community. Nesting is a phenomena punctuated by the growing number of telecommuters, work at homers, and internet chat. We’re avoiding people and choosing to stay at home where we feel safe. The internet brings us chat rooms, but we can't hold a conversation in person. Nesting is keeping us from achieving all we can achieve. So, enter knitting circles! Knitting circles are a way to connect with the people who can help you achieve something great.
You must get out of your house to have a circle (or at least invite people over to your house). You will be able to share the common interest of knitting with people who bring varied experiences. You will have the chance to talk to people and share in their wisdom.
You may not solve the great mysteries of the world, and your achievements may never be chronicled in encyclopedias for generations to revere, but imagine the pride of knowing you've changed one person for the better. Imagine knowing that what you had to offer was exactly what someone needed to make a dramatic change for the better. Wow! You might raise a child, coach a business owner, write a book, offer your expertise to assist another, or even just listen and ask understanding questions. When was the last time someone truly listened to what you said? See what I mean?
This is the value of community and the value of knitting circles. Knitting circles bring women together in an environment where it is comfortable to share and ask questions. It is safe to learn something new. It appeals to women of all walks of life and all generations. Find a circle near you, come to one of my Knit One, Share Two events, or start one of your own. You'll be creating a life-changing group that will encourage each to become more than they already are.
Article by:
Lisa Akers is the president of Be Still & Knit. Her company teaches women how to find peace and stillness in their lives through handwork. By discovering knit and crochet, women develop a new way to take time for themselves and share the love they have as warm clothing! Find out more about Lisa at www.bestillandknit.com or listen to her podcast at www.peacefulknitter.com.
It is essential to depend on others to succeed to the fullest. It is only with the assistance of others that we can become the whole person that we could be. It is through others that we can develop all aspects of our personality. Our dealings with other people shape our personality and develop our interpersonal skills. No one ever achieved anything great by themselves, and if we continue to hide behind the "I'll take care of just me" facade, we'll never achieve anything great either.
So what does that have to do with knitting circles? Knitting circles have for centuries brought women together to share their experiences, to ask advice, and to encourage one another. It’s a fun environment and a learning environment all at the same time. It provides a place where women can go to find community. Most importantly, it is a place where that community does not stand in judgment.
This kind of community is a large part of what is missing in our society today. By "nesting" and staying home, we have abandoned community. Nesting is a phenomena punctuated by the growing number of telecommuters, work at homers, and internet chat. We’re avoiding people and choosing to stay at home where we feel safe. The internet brings us chat rooms, but we can't hold a conversation in person. Nesting is keeping us from achieving all we can achieve. So, enter knitting circles! Knitting circles are a way to connect with the people who can help you achieve something great.
You must get out of your house to have a circle (or at least invite people over to your house). You will be able to share the common interest of knitting with people who bring varied experiences. You will have the chance to talk to people and share in their wisdom.
You may not solve the great mysteries of the world, and your achievements may never be chronicled in encyclopedias for generations to revere, but imagine the pride of knowing you've changed one person for the better. Imagine knowing that what you had to offer was exactly what someone needed to make a dramatic change for the better. Wow! You might raise a child, coach a business owner, write a book, offer your expertise to assist another, or even just listen and ask understanding questions. When was the last time someone truly listened to what you said? See what I mean?
This is the value of community and the value of knitting circles. Knitting circles bring women together in an environment where it is comfortable to share and ask questions. It is safe to learn something new. It appeals to women of all walks of life and all generations. Find a circle near you, come to one of my Knit One, Share Two events, or start one of your own. You'll be creating a life-changing group that will encourage each to become more than they already are.
Article by:
Lisa Akers is the president of Be Still & Knit. Her company teaches women how to find peace and stillness in their lives through handwork. By discovering knit and crochet, women develop a new way to take time for themselves and share the love they have as warm clothing! Find out more about Lisa at www.bestillandknit.com or listen to her podcast at www.peacefulknitter.com.
Tuesday
Women Mentoring Women
Mentor - a trusted counselor guide or coach. Women have been mentoring women for centuries. Mothers train up their daughters from infants to little girls to adults. However, even adult women continue to learn, grow and need guidance. All women should have a female mentor in their life.
From the aspect of being a mentor to someone, be careful not to fall into unhealthy thought patterns. For example, thinking you're too good to mentor someone who is not on your same level. Rarely would any woman verbally admit that to be true. However someone who may not be of the same socioeconomic or educational background is still very much worthy of your attention. Use the wisdom you have received over the years to help bring another along in her journey.
When looking to find another woman to trust or emulate, you want to hook up with someone who has already experienced some of the things in life you are or will go through. You will not gain much if your mentor is a 'yes woman' and will always tell you want you want to hear. You need someone who is not afraid to challenge you; someone who will point out erroneous thinking on your part.
Also if you are able to see the benefit to having a female mentor, it is important that you are not so prideful that you get upset with constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is a difficult pill to swallow. If you have a mentor who is not afraid to have the difficult conversations with you, take the advice in the spirit of helping you become a better woman.
Some people flat out refuse to accept the possibility that there may be a better way to do something. Some get extremely defensive and take the criticism as a personal attack. If you are working with a mentor you have to allow for the possibility that she may know what she is talking about.
If you ask for your mentor's advice, be prepared to consider her response. Don't instantly get defensive. Let me say it again: Allow for the possibility there may be a better way to do things. If you have a mentor, consider yourself blessed. Wise women are everywhere and if you have one willing to share her insight with you, remind her how much you appreciate her.
Article by:
Sarah Eiden enjoys sharing gourmet candles in her community and teaching others how to start their own candle business from home. Request a Free Candle Business eBook at: www.start-a-candle-business.com
From the aspect of being a mentor to someone, be careful not to fall into unhealthy thought patterns. For example, thinking you're too good to mentor someone who is not on your same level. Rarely would any woman verbally admit that to be true. However someone who may not be of the same socioeconomic or educational background is still very much worthy of your attention. Use the wisdom you have received over the years to help bring another along in her journey.
When looking to find another woman to trust or emulate, you want to hook up with someone who has already experienced some of the things in life you are or will go through. You will not gain much if your mentor is a 'yes woman' and will always tell you want you want to hear. You need someone who is not afraid to challenge you; someone who will point out erroneous thinking on your part.
Also if you are able to see the benefit to having a female mentor, it is important that you are not so prideful that you get upset with constructive criticism. Constructive criticism is a difficult pill to swallow. If you have a mentor who is not afraid to have the difficult conversations with you, take the advice in the spirit of helping you become a better woman.
Some people flat out refuse to accept the possibility that there may be a better way to do something. Some get extremely defensive and take the criticism as a personal attack. If you are working with a mentor you have to allow for the possibility that she may know what she is talking about.
If you ask for your mentor's advice, be prepared to consider her response. Don't instantly get defensive. Let me say it again: Allow for the possibility there may be a better way to do things. If you have a mentor, consider yourself blessed. Wise women are everywhere and if you have one willing to share her insight with you, remind her how much you appreciate her.
Article by:
Sarah Eiden enjoys sharing gourmet candles in her community and teaching others how to start their own candle business from home. Request a Free Candle Business eBook at: www.start-a-candle-business.com
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